Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Who Needs Santa Claus?

This might get some rotten tomatoes thrown at me, but according to blogging experts, you are supposed to write something controversial on occasion.

That being said, I've never taught my children that there is a Santa Claus.  Nope.

No big scary looking man in a bright red suit is getting the credit for the gifts I shopped long and hard for!  If his gift selections are as tacky as his fashion taste, our kids are doomed anyway!  And truthfully, we all know it isn't true that he comes down our chimneys, and I don't believe in lying to my children.  Not to mention the kids that are forced to sit on his lap in the mall for a picture, when they are truly terrified.

So anyway!  I've heard parents try to threaten their children when they are being bad, "I'm going to tell Santa..."  And you know what I started thinking?

Who needs Santa when you have a BLOG???

If you are going to threaten your children about someone watching, what could put terror in their eyes quicker than saying, "I'm going to tell my blog how you've been acting all morning!"

Kids have messy rooms?  Take a picture and stick in on your blog!

Throwing a temper tantrum with screaming, kicking and punching, while lying on the floor?  Video them and stick in on your blog!  Your 16 year old will never do that again!!!

Can't get junior to take out the trash?  Little Susie won't do the dishes?  Important note: add a sign to the trash heap or mound of dishes that tell your child's name and that this is his chore, so that when the entire world sees it on your blog, they will know that it is your child's fault things are so heaped up!

Did you know this can even work for training your husband?  It works for me!  Since I've begun blogging, he hasn't thrown ice on me in the shower a second time, and he will probably never call me a "bag" again either!

Need to "convince" your in-laws to be nicer to you?  No problem!  Blog, blog, blog!  I am blessed in this area, for I've only recently had to blog about my in-laws!  (It's amazing how good they've actually been to us, considering I'm married to their son, which I'm pretty sure is the reason they both have silver hair!)

Any other folks you're having trouble with?  Neighbors? Teachers?  BUS DRIVERS???(Don't ask!)  Well, I've just given you a cure-all that works better than Santa Claus!  Look out, Marty, here I come!(the locals will understand that comment!)

Blogging is not only therapeutic for you and I, but it is like a wonder-worker in the home and family!  Someone should have thought of this ages ago!  Either that, or I shouldn't have shared the idea with my blog friends, and wrote a book first, sold a million copies, and THEN blogged about it, for those who missed my sold-out book!

One last tip:  You and I probably ought to straighten up a bit ourselves, before our kids and hubby get their own blogs. But I'll do pretty good, as long as no one takes a picture and blogs about my ironing pile!   =P