Friday, February 26, 2010

Can My Marriage Be Saved?

Well, I know you all thought my marriage was perfect, but now for the truth.

Dan went from pure nearly having a fat lip!

When you are half asleep, you don't always remember the entire sequence of events. but I can tell you with pretty good accuracy the most important parts of our half-asleep dialogue from last night.

A little background:

We have a king size bed, but our quilt isn't quite big enough for the bed.  Dan and I both sleep with a pillow under our knee, and also, I have long hair, so when I turn over, I lift my head rather high to adjust my hair.

So!  Last night, or more like, 4 o'clock this morning, I woke up, and got up for a few minutes, and then came back to bed.  Originally, I was facing Dan, but flipped over to get more comfy. 

Okay-along with not being allowed to turn up the wall heater in the family room(why YES, I DO live with the heat patrol!), I also live with constant harping when I turn over in bed, letting cold air in between the sheets, since I haven't mastered staying completely FLAT when I take my knee pillow from one side of the bed to the other.  This has been an issue for months.

Now back to my marital woes.....

In the wee hours of the morning, Dan and I had a brief conversation, or should I say, an exchange of words.  I turned over and took my knee pillow with me, and I actually heard Dan gasp from what he perceived as a gust of cold air between the sheets.  I don't remember if he muttered anything, but I think he did.

The usual UN-mouthy me said loudly and clearly, DEAL WITH IT!!!

So, UN-compassionate Dan grabbed all of the covers and YANKED them to his side of the bed.  He would have yanked them clean off of me, but I grabbed and held on, so I was still covered up a little bit.

I then muttered something about our stinking king size bed not being big enough, and Dan just corrected my statement by reminding me the quilt is what isn't big enough. 

I said, "You need to sleep with a sleeping bag."

He said, "I already sleep with a bag!"

So of course I tried to KICK him, but the bed was too big and he was too far over for me to reach.  So I turned over and tickled him, which he claims I did with my sharp nails.

Help, folks!  My marriage is in trouble!  I think I'm married to a compulsive liar-now I'm confused and I don't know if I look like I'm 20 or 75!!!

Is there still hope for us???  Because if there isn't, I'm going to start being who I want to be, and start rebelling right now, and am going to turn the wall heater up to 5!!!  And then when he says something to me about turning over in bed again, I'm going to take my 40 pound memory foam pillow and knock him out!  How's THAT for COLD???  ;P


Laura Masiker said...

Oh, how funny!!! : ) You had me laughing so hard. A very enjoyable story!

Faye said...

I, too, was laughing as I read it!!! But if you need counseling, you know who to see!!!