Thursday, January 7, 2010

Fascinating Facts About Me! Part 3

I know you all are just...well...fascinated!!!  I mean, you all never dreamed I would have a sock collection(under my pillow) and a fascination with dirt, did you???

This will be the last of my Fascinating Facts series for now, and I know this one is really going to surprise you!

Are you ready?

I am bi tri quart--I am multi-lingual!!!  Are you surprised???

Of course I'm rusty on my Ohioan language, but have adapted to the Pennsylvania language pretty well, after 16 years of being here.  I know how to say agaaan--spelled "again", pronounced "uh-gaan".  I've noticed other subtle accent adaptions that have begun to come naturally as well. 

I understand Redneck very well, but don't speak it as fluently as I understand it.  I even understand the culture!  I was blessed to attend a wedding in this culture, so I was able to experience the whole effect of culture and language! 

I am fluent in sign language commands.  My children have become rather fluent as well.  When I spin my finger in a circle in the air, that means "turn around" in church.  When I shake my head no, that means "don't do that in public!".  When I put my finger across my lips vertically, that means, "Your dad is many times do I have to tell you to be QUIET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" 

And when I roll my eyes back into my head while throwing my head back, that means, "Amber, have you stopped talking for 30 seconds since you woke up this morning???"  I'll probably have to learn the next sign that goes hand in hand with that one--maybe rolling my eyes back into my head, and then putting my head in my hands, which will mean, "Thanks Amber, now your little brother is catching on!!!".  (Amber, you know I love you, Baby!)

So there you have it!  I am multi-lingual! 

My brother-in-law Tim married a beautiful lady from Kansas a little over a year ago, and in this small town we live in, she is actually employed as a FRENCH INTERPRETER!!!  No joke!

After Tim showed me a picture on his cell phone of the fancy holiday desserts she makes, and learning that this girl is extremely intelligent, and sews clothing fit for a queen, and always, always looks like a million bucks, I started to worry!  I'm thinking, Well, there goes my status as the favorite daughter-in-law!  I guess being a dingbat can only gain a person favor for so many years!  And then I'm thinking, Dan is going to think Tim got the better end of the deal when it came to finding a talented wife! 

But once I got to know this lovely lady, I was able to rest my worried little head.  She's so down to earth and is just a beautiful person!  I love her dearly, and she was the perfect addition to this family! 

And besides all that, I have to silently, quietly smile to myself....she might know French, but I understand  Redneck better than she ever will, so I have the secret pleasure of knowing I've one upped her!  But no need to tell her...we'll just keep this our little secret!  :)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Fascinating Facts About Me! Part 2

Well, now that you all know I'm fascinated with dirt, we can move on to the next fascinating fact about me!

I have a sock collection...

Under my pillow.  :)

You see, this girl right here has bad circulation in my feet, so I often go to bed with socks on.  If my feet aren't warm, then I can't warm up!  I'll rub my tootsies together over and over again, trying to get them warm, and if they won't warm up, I sleep horribly.  I'm sure others can relate!

We have a pad on our bed that somehow collects your body heat and then evenly distributes it, or something like that.  But when you first get in bed, you feel like you've just laid on a bed of ice cubes.  To remedy that, I bought a heating blanket!

So!  If you have a pad that evenly distributes your body heat, and you have a heating blanket to help warm up the bed pad, guess what happens! 

You drift off to sleep with sweet dreams swirling around your head, covered to your chin in warmth and coziness, and a smile on your face because your warm, cozy bed is the most wonderful place on earth!

And then...

You wake up about two hours later, shaking yourself from the dream that you are visiting the center of the earth!  Sometimes the dream changes-you think you are in a wet suit while walking on the surface of the sun(nothing like waking up soaked with sweat!), and other times, you're laying on a beach in Hawaii, when suddenly, the temperature raises 200 degrees, and you aren't enjoying your vacation anymore!!!

So anyway!  Once I come back to conciousness, and realize I'm not in the core of the earth, or walking on the sun, or vacationing in Hawaii, I wipe the sweat from my brow, and reach for my feet!  I take my socks off.

I drift back off to sleep, and sometimes wake back up a couple of hours later, only to realize that no, I'm not really in Alaska, sharing an igloo with an eskimo that SNORES REALLY LOUD!!!  Why, I'm home in my own bed!  And since I'm cold, I can just slip my socks back on!

I found that putting my socks under my pillow is much easier than groping in the dark on the floor next to the bed, hoping to find them.

Since I don't wake up twice every night, and don't always need to put my socks back on, I've found that I accumulate quite a collection under my pillow!  When we change the sheets, sometimes socks have even worked their way to Dan's side of the bed!

So there you have it-I collect socks.  :)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Fascinating Facts About Me! Part One

Reading my blog, you probably feel like you know me just a little bit.  I thought I would help you to get to know me a little better!  And maybe you should help me in getting to know you as well-comment on this post and tell me one or two fascinating facts about you!

Are you ready?  Hopefully I'll gain a reader or two, and not lose the faithful readers I have!  I mean, surely there is someone out there that shares my facsination with....

DIRT!  Ok, not just any dirt.  I mean, you won't see my sitting in my yard or driveway with a stick, digging holes in the ground-I try to catch my son before he does these things-I'm certainly not going to go out and join him!  Maybe more than a fascination with dirt, it is more of a fascination with things that suck up dirt!  I have a wind tunnel vaccuum cleaner-actually I have two!  And no, I don't have two because of my obsession with dirt-I have two because my house has three levels, and it's easier than always having to lug them up and down all three levels.

Anyway!  My fascination began when I first bought a wind-tunnel vaccuum.  This was at my old house, where we heated with a wood stove.  It seems that the wood smoke seeped into everything in the house, including the carpet-at least that is what I'm blaming all the dust on.  Everytime I used my vaccuum, I just couldn't believe all the dust I collected!

Since moving to our new home, I still have this fascination!  Yes, I am guilty of vaccuuming one room, emptying the dirt container, and then vaccuuming the next room.  You would probably think I'm either making contestants out of each of my rooms for who has the most dirt, or that I am trying to measure which one of my children brings in the most dirt so that I can convict them of their crime!

Vaccuums aren't the only thing that suck up dirt.  My other fascination is the carpet shampooer!  I am usually 10 pounds lighter when I finish cleaning my carpets-the shampooer and I both get quite a workout!  I will go over the same carpet over and over and over..and....over.......and........over.........again until my "dirty" water comes out clear.  We might need golashes every time we enter the dining room for a meal, but my carpets will be CLEAN, by golly!

Can you picture a vaccuum cleaner commercial coming out when the bagless vacs were a new thing?  I don't know if they actually had one on TV or not, but I can see it in my mind.  A woman vaccuums her carpet, and then stands in front of her suction monster, half bent over, with mouth wide open, staring at the full cup.  And here she thought her other vaccuum cleaner with the bag always did a great job!  Well, wasn't she surprised!  

My point in mentioning the commercial is because I could do that commercial, and I wouldn't even need acting lessons!  It would be real!  

We don't wear our shoes in the house, and I cleaned the carpets when we bought the house.  It doesn't matter how clean you are, you are still going to have a bagless vac that fills with dusty stuff....



Sunday, January 3, 2010

Job Possibilities For 2010

Yahoo has a list of the top 10 jobs that are expecting a great future.

The GREAT news is...I think I qualify for ALL but one of them!!! Wow! And here I was worried about what we are going to do in the future!

See if you don't agree with me!...

First up-a biomedical engineer:
I know how to use a spoon to get medicine down a child's throat! I also know trickery-isn't that what an engineer does-figures out ways to make things work? It's really not all that hard, and I'm amazed that this is going to actually be an up and coming career!

Next, a financial examiner:
I am a PRO at this one! I examine bills regularly, and I examine all receipts in hubby's wallet...."WHEN did you go to the Chinese Restaurant without me???" "You spent $6 on a half gallon of ice cream? Babe, we gotta talk!"... I also know how to examine my own receipts-whenever I hit the thrift stores, I backtrack in my mind over and over and over and over again what I spent, because it disappears WAY too fast!

Next, medical science:
I'm pretty good at this one too! Okay, Kota doesn't feel well and has a rash on his arm...I could probably give him Benedryl, and then mix antibiotic ointment and aloe vera on the rash. Surely the mixture will bring good results...

Next, a physician's assistant:
I can do this! I already do! When I take my kiddos to the doctor, I am more that willing to help assist the doctor with what I think my kids need! "Now Doc, SURELY you have SOMETHING that can make my kids desire to clean their rooms and do their homework without asking! Wait!!! I'm already experienced in medical science...why don't you just let me go back to your medicine cabinet and see what I might be able to mix together..."

Next, a biochemist/biopysicist:
Now really, how hard is it to study living things and their make-up, or how electrical energy affects living things? I mean, I study my kids regularly, notice their inability to make sense when it comes to chores and homework, and I have it all figured out--they're aliens. As far as electrical energy, most of us know someone who was struck by lightning, or accidentally touched an electric fence. All you have to do is ask them how it affected them! And these jobs are paying HOW MUCH??? What am I waiting for??? What are YOU waiting for???

Next, a skin care specialist:
Oh yeah, this one is a natural calling for me! Actually, what woman isn't a skin care specialist? We notice every little detail, every blemish, every fine line, every pore! While we're at it, let's be hair care specialists too! I specialize in noticing how gray I am going how fast!

And lastly, an athletic trainer:
This one, I'm sad to say, I could not do. I do know how to turn on a treadmill, or at least, I think I remember how to! Unless this includes.....oh.....never there such thing as gut muscles? That doesn't sound very lady like, and I try to be a lady! But if there IS such a thing, then I'm not sure why I sit down in my how-to videos to hide me from mid section and down! Hmm...maybe I'll look into it....

Well, don't think I'll have time for much blogging anymore--since I qualify for almost all of these job positions, I'm going to be in high demand, and will be spending my time flying around the country in my private jet, since apparently there must be a shortage in these areas....

Or maybe...maybe I'll let Dan explain these job titles to me a little better, before I go apply for the loan for my private jet. It may turn out that I am the one who needs to find a financial examiner.....