Monday, December 14, 2009

Oh, Curses!

I enjoy a good story and love to laugh just as much as the next person. And I have come across a story or two that has made me laugh so hard that I've cried--such as "Toe" by Pat McManus.

Building my website has me searching across the world wide web looking for other great reads by authors that are hoping to get their work noticed, and I have found a few so far!

But nothing turns me away and disappoints me quite as fast as crude humor, and the topic at hand--cussing.

Since what I put on the web myself is meant to be family friendly, I do pass by articles that throw in the occasional swear word. I want to offer something that I would be comfortable with my own children seeing, along with other mothers and concerned adults across the world.

But this is not a sale ad!

No, not at all! I just got to thinking about it last night.....

Our world has tried to limit what young adults see and do with a minimum age limit on different things-rated R movies, or PG-13. Smokers have to show their ID until they are 27(the age minimum is 18, I think), and I think you have to be 21 to drink alcohol. These restrictions are meant to discourage the younger age group, even tho they show the smiling faces of a group full of young, smoking friends having a great time across the large billboards by the highways, or the football party with chips, pretzels and beer all over the coffee table, and guys and gals rooting for their favorite team.

But anyway, what if.....what if we tried to discourage cussing? Is it possible? Sure it is!

What if they took all of the cuss words, and made them at least 5 syllables long? My suggestions are:






Uses for these words would be:

The car won't start AGAIN?? That thing is just a hooty-patooty piece of JUNK!

Who came up with THAT hocker-doodle-maimy idea, anyway?

The nose-pickin-cracker-cruncher-head washer overflowed this morning.

How DARE you call me names, you sweatin-orangutan-face PUNK!

I can't get the muffle-strigger-riggin door open-it's stuck!

Now, I think words like these would be great deterrents for two reasons:
  1. These words would be much harder to say, so there would be fewer of them on the big screen, and also much harder to spell. Authors would not want to stop while feeling inspired, because they had to look up how to spell hocker-doodle-maimy.
  2. The glamorous Hollywood star in all her painted perfection, and the big screen "hunk" in all of his masculinity would not say these words because it would make them sound very, very.......stupid. "I don't care if you pay me TWO million dollars for this movie-I'm not saying hooty-patooty!!!"
And the author of the romance novel would not write, "Beau Remington looked at Dynasty Dalton's velvety red dress, up-swept 'do, and dangling diamond earrings. He slipped her hand into his as he said, "You're looking muffle-strigger-riggin fine this evening, Dynasty." Kind of spoils the moment, don't you think? Good thing he didn't decide to use a different cuss word for that compliment, such as, "You're looking sweatin-orangutan-face fine this evening, Dynasty." THAT romance novel would stir some confusion for sure! Uh...was that a compliment, or is he trying to LOSE her because he's really in love with Chloe Wynchester? We'll never know.....unless there is a sequel. And then what if he uses the same line on Chloe Wynchester? Is he now trying to lose her because he realized what a good woman Dynasty Dalton is? We'll never know.....unless there is a series.....actually, with lines like that, we may never know.
So anyway! Stories are much better without all of the foul language that they throw in, and this fabulous idea I've come up with could change authors and writers all over the world! Of course, if they ever did implement my idea, all movies and books would probably be categorized as comedy. But I can't imagine the big screen actors and actresses plastered all over highway billboards with big smiles on their faces while saying "hocker-doodle-maimy". Everyone else seems to be smiling, why aren't they? And why are their cheeks all red?


Angela Marie said...


William Shakespeare is a master of gorgeously poetic and attention getting insults! lol ...without the curse words. That's a fun search sometime when you are bored or need a laugh.

Of course, quotes like "...would to God I had a horse as fast as your tongue..." are humorous, but in context of the argument it comes from is much funnier.

Faye said...

Thank you for a much needed laugh!! My hubby and I really enjoyed this!!! Now, my next statement is: "More, more, more!!!!!"