Even I Am Not THAT Blon-d!

This is what happened:

I was sitting on the floor in the bedroom wrapping Christmas presents, while Dan was also in there with me.

I heard someone approach the bedroom door(you know how mothers are-we have many senses past the 5th well known ones--one being sensing when someone is in your bedroom at 3 a.m., and one being when you sense someone coming to your bedroom door while wrapping gifts! 

I heard a very faint knock on the door, and about the same time, I tapped on the gift box I had in front of me.

I said, "Who is it?"

And Dan said, "That was you."

What Dan THOUGHT happened:

I was sitting on the floor wrapping gifts.  I tapped on the box in front of me.  I said, "Who is it?"

Okay, even I am not THAT ditzy!  I mean, come on!  Give me SOME credit!!!

Of course, if he really thinks I'm that Blon-d, I could probably get away with a lot of things, and he would not get angry, he would just look at me with pity and a very sympathetic mind!  Hmm....let me think of some good things I could come up with.....

How about running a load of whites in the washer, using up all the hot water while he showers? 

How about clipping my toenails on his side of the bed?

Or maybe using mustard in a recipe that calls for cheese since I'm out of cheese, and mustard is the same color?

Ya know, this could turn out to be a lot of fun!  Hmm.....

Coming Real Soon!

Hi Everyone!
Just a quick note while my computer is down, still being fixed at the shop...I'm using Dan's laptop right now, but haven't done any new posts yet.

Just a quick note to let you all know that I am putting up several new chocolate bouquet ideas on my website, http://www.achocolatebouquet.com/ ,by the end of this week!  I can't wait!  And I thought I would give you all a sneak preview of what to expect!  Check my website(toward the end of the week, or next week) if you'd like directions how to make any of them!  :)

Two More Weeks!

Ahh...two more weeks, and guess what? The BIG 4-0 will be upon me!!! AGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, let's get past the drama!

Have you all been thinking about my diet?  You'll all be so happy for me--I gained about 3 pounds!

What???  You thought I meant...NOOOOO................

I'm on a GAIN WEIGHT DIET!!!

(wink, wink!)

Actually, guess what?  Hubby is getting me an eliptical machine for my birthday-NOT because he thinks I need it-because he knows I'd like one!  Plus the whole family can use it!  If you've never used one, they're really cool!  MUCH easier on the knees than a stair stepper.

If any of you want to send me gifts, please send LOTS of ANTI-WRINKLE CREAMS!!!!  I might also like a few wigs---maybe I should request blonde wigs, for my mid-life crisis?  My hair is turning gray awfully fast!  It's like it overslept and is hurrying before the big 4-0 gets here!

If you all have any other great ideas for my 40th birthday, just send all my gifts to the "Getting Older and Not Sure I Can Handle It" Foundation, PA, c/o Josanne.

My computer is going to the---GASP!!!---computer doctor tomorrow.  I hope it's not a SERIOUS surgery, only minor sicknesses!  This little gadget has things to do for me, like, NOW!!!  I've got pics and videos that need to go up on my website for Valentine's Day!  The computer doctor says it will be about 4 or 5 days once I take it in.

So, if you don't hear from me for a week, you'll know why!  :)

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

This is for all of the cat lovers out there! Those of us who love cats know the points made in this video are true. For all others, you will get to see how fun it is to be a cat lover! :)

An Engineer s Guide to Cats @ Yahoo! Video

Just a Reminder

Just a reminder to all of us, as we are going thru our day...

Did you wake up this morning and "couldn't find a thing to wear"?

Did you go to the cupboard and complain to yourself that there is nothing to eat?

Did you get in your car and go where you needed to go, take care of what you needed to take care of?

Did your family return home today after school, work, errands, etc.?

Remember the victims in Haiti, whose smallest concern right now is a matching outfit for the day.

Remember the victims in Haiti, who are very poor, and are at the mercies of the world to help them with food and clean water-reporters have seen these people rubbing their stomachs because they are hungry.

Remember the victims in Haiti, who have many road that cannot be used, who cannot go where they want to go and take care of things that are even desperately calling for their attention-looking for their missing loved ones, or helping family members across town to look for their loved ones.

Remember the victims in Haiti, and ask the Lord to forgive us for our murmuring, and ask Him to help these people.

If you cannot donate money or other items that local businesses may be collecting to help this country, then please be sure to lift your voice to God and pray for this devestated country.  It may be your prayer that causes a millionaire to donate.  It may be your prayer that causes a grieving family to be comforted.  It may even be your prayer that causes a buried victim to be found.

Just a reminder to remember the people in Haiti, pray for them, and remember how blessed we are to be sleeping in our own beds at night, with our families safely tucked in, and a reminder to not take for granted food on our tables and clothes in our closets.

Genes, or Brainwashing?

I was glancing thru a catalog this morning when I came across this ad.  And it got me to thinking....see if you have an answer to the mystery.....

Look at this picture.  A mother and her daughter--both FEMALE.  Not a mother and her SON--a mother and her DAUGHTER. 

Both are smiling.  Mom is looking at the brownies while holding her daughter.  Smiling.

One again, Mom is looking at a pan of brownies.  BROWNIES equal.....

CHOCOLATE!!!

So here are the questions....

We already know why Mom is smiling at a pan of brownies-I mean LOOK!  It's just her and her LITTLE girl, who can't possibly eat much.  Chocolate equals bliss, and if Mom's daughter can only eat one brownie---one and a half TOPS---then there is A LOT of bliss left over for Mom.  Oh HAPPY DAY!!!

Next, I'm not sure if the daughter's smile is genuine....so.....is she really happy that she has a pan full of brownies in front of her, hoping she can scarf down the record-breaking(her own record, that is) one and a half brownies, or is Mom whispering in her ear..."Look Baby....chocolate.....a whole pan of chocolate brownies......mmmmm............chocolate........choc.........o..........late...........mmmmmmmmmm................"?

Now, let's imagine that this scene is being replayed all over the world.  I know it is in America, for sure!  Mothers cutting up brownies, daughters standing close by....

Now!!!  Help me come to a conclusion.....

Everybody knows that women have a reputation for loving chocolate, right?  What I want to know is.....

Is it in our genes, or are we brainwashed???

Fascinating Facts About Me! Part 3

I know you all are just...well...fascinated!!!  I mean, you all never dreamed I would have a sock collection(under my pillow) and a fascination with dirt, did you???

This will be the last of my Fascinating Facts series for now, and I know this one is really going to surprise you!

Are you ready?

I am bi tri quart--I am multi-lingual!!!  Are you surprised???

Of course I'm rusty on my Ohioan language, but have adapted to the Pennsylvania language pretty well, after 16 years of being here.  I know how to say agaaan--spelled "again", pronounced "uh-gaan".  I've noticed other subtle accent adaptions that have begun to come naturally as well. 

I understand Redneck very well, but don't speak it as fluently as I understand it.  I even understand the culture!  I was blessed to attend a wedding in this culture, so I was able to experience the whole effect of culture and language! 

I am fluent in sign language commands.  My children have become rather fluent as well.  When I spin my finger in a circle in the air, that means "turn around" in church.  When I shake my head no, that means "don't do that in public!".  When I put my finger across my lips vertically, that means, "Your dad is SLEEPING...how many times do I have to tell you to be QUIET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" 

And when I roll my eyes back into my head while throwing my head back, that means, "Amber, have you stopped talking for 30 seconds since you woke up this morning???"  I'll probably have to learn the next sign that goes hand in hand with that one--maybe rolling my eyes back into my head, and then putting my head in my hands, which will mean, "Thanks Amber, now your little brother is catching on!!!".  (Amber, you know I love you, Baby!)

So there you have it!  I am multi-lingual! 

My brother-in-law Tim married a beautiful lady from Kansas a little over a year ago, and in this small town we live in, she is actually employed as a FRENCH INTERPRETER!!!  No joke!

After Tim showed me a picture on his cell phone of the fancy holiday desserts she makes, and learning that this girl is extremely intelligent, and sews clothing fit for a queen, and always, always looks like a million bucks, I started to worry!  I'm thinking, Well, there goes my status as the favorite daughter-in-law!  I guess being a dingbat can only gain a person favor for so many years!  And then I'm thinking, Dan is going to think Tim got the better end of the deal when it came to finding a talented wife! 

But once I got to know this lovely lady, I was able to rest my worried little head.  She's so down to earth and is just a beautiful person!  I love her dearly, and she was the perfect addition to this family! 

And besides all that, I have to silently, quietly smile to myself....she might know French, but I understand  Redneck better than she ever will, so I have the secret pleasure of knowing I've one upped her!  But no need to tell her...we'll just keep this our little secret!  :)

Fascinating Facts About Me! Part 2

Well, now that you all know I'm fascinated with dirt, we can move on to the next fascinating fact about me!

I have a sock collection...

Under my pillow.  :)

You see, this girl right here has bad circulation in my feet, so I often go to bed with socks on.  If my feet aren't warm, then I can't warm up!  I'll rub my tootsies together over and over again, trying to get them warm, and if they won't warm up, I sleep horribly.  I'm sure others can relate!

We have a pad on our bed that somehow collects your body heat and then evenly distributes it, or something like that.  But when you first get in bed, you feel like you've just laid on a bed of ice cubes.  To remedy that, I bought a heating blanket!

So!  If you have a pad that evenly distributes your body heat, and you have a heating blanket to help warm up the bed pad, guess what happens! 

You drift off to sleep with sweet dreams swirling around your head, covered to your chin in warmth and coziness, and a smile on your face because your warm, cozy bed is the most wonderful place on earth!

And then...

You wake up about two hours later, shaking yourself from the dream that you are visiting the center of the earth!  Sometimes the dream changes-you think you are in a wet suit while walking on the surface of the sun(nothing like waking up soaked with sweat!), and other times, you're laying on a beach in Hawaii, when suddenly, the temperature raises 200 degrees, and you aren't enjoying your vacation anymore!!!

So anyway!  Once I come back to conciousness, and realize I'm not in the core of the earth, or walking on the sun, or vacationing in Hawaii, I wipe the sweat from my brow, and reach for my feet!  I take my socks off.

I drift back off to sleep, and sometimes wake back up a couple of hours later, only to realize that no, I'm not really in Alaska, sharing an igloo with an eskimo that SNORES REALLY LOUD!!!  Why, I'm home in my own bed!  And since I'm cold, I can just slip my socks back on!

I found that putting my socks under my pillow is much easier than groping in the dark on the floor next to the bed, hoping to find them.

Since I don't wake up twice every night, and don't always need to put my socks back on, I've found that I accumulate quite a collection under my pillow!  When we change the sheets, sometimes socks have even worked their way to Dan's side of the bed!

So there you have it-I collect socks.  :)

Fascinating Facts About Me! Part One

Reading my blog, you probably feel like you know me just a little bit.  I thought I would help you to get to know me a little better!  And maybe you should help me in getting to know you as well-comment on this post and tell me one or two fascinating facts about you!

Are you ready?  Hopefully I'll gain a reader or two, and not lose the faithful readers I have!  I mean, surely there is someone out there that shares my facsination with....

DIRT!  Ok, not just any dirt.  I mean, you won't see my sitting in my yard or driveway with a stick, digging holes in the ground-I try to catch my son before he does these things-I'm certainly not going to go out and join him!  Maybe more than a fascination with dirt, it is more of a fascination with things that suck up dirt!  I have a wind tunnel vaccuum cleaner-actually I have two!  And no, I don't have two because of my obsession with dirt-I have two because my house has three levels, and it's easier than always having to lug them up and down all three levels.

Anyway!  My fascination began when I first bought a wind-tunnel vaccuum.  This was at my old house, where we heated with a wood stove.  It seems that the wood smoke seeped into everything in the house, including the carpet-at least that is what I'm blaming all the dust on.  Everytime I used my vaccuum, I just couldn't believe all the dust I collected!

Since moving to our new home, I still have this fascination!  Yes, I am guilty of vaccuuming one room, emptying the dirt container, and then vaccuuming the next room.  You would probably think I'm either making contestants out of each of my rooms for who has the most dirt, or that I am trying to measure which one of my children brings in the most dirt so that I can convict them of their crime!

Vaccuums aren't the only thing that suck up dirt.  My other fascination is the carpet shampooer!  I am usually 10 pounds lighter when I finish cleaning my carpets-the shampooer and I both get quite a workout!  I will go over the same carpet over and over and over..and....over.......and........over.........again until my "dirty" water comes out clear.  We might need golashes every time we enter the dining room for a meal, but my carpets will be CLEAN, by golly!

Can you picture a vaccuum cleaner commercial coming out when the bagless vacs were a new thing?  I don't know if they actually had one on TV or not, but I can see it in my mind.  A woman vaccuums her carpet, and then stands in front of her suction monster, half bent over, with mouth wide open, staring at the full cup.  And here she thought her other vaccuum cleaner with the bag always did a great job!  Well, wasn't she surprised!  

My point in mentioning the commercial is because I could do that commercial, and I wouldn't even need acting lessons!  It would be real!  

We don't wear our shoes in the house, and I cleaned the carpets when we bought the house.  It doesn't matter how clean you are, you are still going to have a bagless vac that fills with dusty stuff....

.....fascinating!

     

Job Possibilities For 2010

Yahoo has a list of the top 10 jobs that are expecting a great future.

http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/career-articles-tomorrow_s_new_hottest_jobs-1075

The GREAT news is...I think I qualify for ALL but one of them!!! Wow! And here I was worried about what we are going to do in the future!

See if you don't agree with me!...

First up-a biomedical engineer:
I know how to use a spoon to get medicine down a child's throat! I also know trickery-isn't that what an engineer does-figures out ways to make things work? It's really not all that hard, and I'm amazed that this is going to actually be an up and coming career!

Next, a financial examiner:
I am a PRO at this one! I examine bills regularly, and I examine all receipts in hubby's wallet...."WHEN did you go to the Chinese Restaurant without me???" "You spent $6 on a half gallon of ice cream? Babe, we gotta talk!"... I also know how to examine my own receipts-whenever I hit the thrift stores, I backtrack in my mind over and over and over and over again what I spent, because it disappears WAY too fast!

Next, medical science:
I'm pretty good at this one too! Okay, Kota doesn't feel well and has a rash on his arm...I could probably give him Benedryl, and then mix antibiotic ointment and aloe vera on the rash. Surely the mixture will bring good results...

Next, a physician's assistant:
I can do this! I already do! When I take my kiddos to the doctor, I am more that willing to help assist the doctor with what I think my kids need! "Now Doc, SURELY you have SOMETHING that can make my kids desire to clean their rooms and do their homework without asking! Wait!!! I'm already experienced in medical science...why don't you just let me go back to your medicine cabinet and see what I might be able to mix together..."

Next, a biochemist/biopysicist:
Now really, how hard is it to study living things and their make-up, or how electrical energy affects living things? I mean, I study my kids regularly, notice their inability to make sense when it comes to chores and homework, and I have it all figured out--they're aliens. As far as electrical energy, most of us know someone who was struck by lightning, or accidentally touched an electric fence. All you have to do is ask them how it affected them! And these jobs are paying HOW MUCH??? What am I waiting for??? What are YOU waiting for???

Next, a skin care specialist:
Oh yeah, this one is a natural calling for me! Actually, what woman isn't a skin care specialist? We notice every little detail, every blemish, every fine line, every pore! While we're at it, let's be hair care specialists too! I specialize in noticing how gray I am going how fast!

And lastly, an athletic trainer:
This one, I'm sad to say, I could not do. I do know how to turn on a treadmill, or at least, I think I remember how to! Unless this includes.....oh.....never mind....well...is there such thing as gut muscles? That doesn't sound very lady like, and I try to be a lady! But if there IS such a thing, then I'm not sure why I sit down in my how-to videos to hide me from mid section and down! Hmm...maybe I'll look into it....

Well, don't think I'll have time for much blogging anymore--since I qualify for almost all of these job positions, I'm going to be in high demand, and will be spending my time flying around the country in my private jet, since apparently there must be a shortage in these areas....

Or maybe...maybe I'll let Dan explain these job titles to me a little better, before I go apply for the loan for my private jet. It may turn out that I am the one who needs to find a financial examiner.....

Make a floral/candy bouquet!

Valentine's Day will be here before you know it, so I wanted to give you an idea for a candy bouquet you can make at home. I've seen some beautiful chocolate bouquet arrangements advertised different places, but the downside of the bouquets is the cost. Using just a dozen chocolate candies in a bouquet with a little bit of greenery and tissue paper can cost you a small fortune-I saw one yesterday on a website that cost over $80!!!! That's 12-TWELVE- pieces of candy!!! Making your own makes it more personal, plus you get to use the colors you prefer, and the candies you like best. And you will most likely save around $60!!!

This is a little bouquet I made up with mini peanut butter cups and mini peppermint patties.

We will be posting more very soon, but this will get your started! You may have so much fun with this, that you want to make one for everyone you can think of--sisters, your female boss, your little brother's new girlfriend, your wonderful mother, or any candy addict you can think of! :)

Just Like Everyone Else

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to 2010!

I'm going do what I've seen other bloggers do in their most recent posts-I'm going to share some of my goals with you!

I have been very excited about 2010, and now that it's here, I'm starting the year off with my goal list in tact! They aren't resolutions-they are goals!

I have a notebook with my personal goals, my spiritual goals, my financial goals, and my family goals. I won't bore you with all the details-just a few!
1. I am going to lose an UN-DISCLOSED amount of weight! I've started this one already, and lost about 8 pounds! And then....well....then the holidays hit, and everyone and their BROTHER was out to sabatage my efforts, practically FORCING all that apple pie and chocolate cookies down my throat! (Just the mention of it makes me shudder all over again!) And so, I'm still down about 4 or 5 pounds. Sigh.
2. I'm going to read 3 books a month. Amelia Bedelia books don't count. I have this CRAZY addiction-filling my bookshelves! And why this is crazy is because, I never get around to reading the books I bring home! So! If I read 3 a month, I should be able to empty the bookshelf by the end of the year, or at least rotate the collection!
3. Dan and I work with the youth, and I want to devote much more of myself to this.
4. I'm going to work diligently on my website. We aren't sure the direction of our future, but I do know that we need to be figuring this out! We aren't starving, and we've been fine, but we have no real income at this point in time, so we need to make plans for our year. Dan's injuries from a fall have caused our lives to have some changes, including his inability to work for the past 8 months.
I do plan to make my website profitable, so it has to be worth visiting! But don't get me wrong-if you'd like to visit http://www.achocolatebouquet.com/, there are no membership fees or any of that-thankfully there are affiliate programs that I've added to my site, and my viewers are not obligated to do any purchasing in order to enjoy my entire site. There are lots of good articles, humorous articles and thoughts, and other things.
I have some additions that I am really excited about adding in the coming week and month, so we're working on that! I gave you a sneak peek at a video, and there are some great things coming up! (If I do humbly say so myself! :D) As you probably can already tell, how-to videos will be added to my site, and let me give you a small heads-up: we want our videos to be remembered, so each one will have a short touch of humor to help viewers remember us!
My website is an online magazine of sorts, but we are going to have our main focus and our videos on 4 main topics:

1. Chocolate bouquets
2. Floral bouquets
3. Decorating on a small budget(Why, yes, I AM the thrift store QUEEN!!!)
4. Hairstyle how-to's

Of COURSE this is the time my new camera would decide to function abnormally-after I told everyone that I would be uploading videos the first couple of weeks in January! If you watch the videos, you'll see where MY camera blurs in and out, while making a cranking noise all thru video-ing! But thank you, Mama, for lending me yours until I get mine back from repair! My viewers will also thank you, I'm sure! :)
In order to make the most of my time online, and making my blog and website the best I can, I am going to delete my other blogs shortly. When our home burned down, this is the blog I continued to post on, and the others have dwindled, as far as my efforts and posts. I'm adding many of the posts from those blogs to my website, so the content will still be there, just in a different place.
5. I plan to blog 3 times a week. I also plan to write 3 articles a week for ezine articles. (Is there REALLY that much knowledge packed in this graying little head of mine??? I guess we'll see!)
Boy, for someone who is home most days, I'm going to be one WORKING woman!!! But that's fine---it's fun when I see progress! Plus I get to stay in, in the warmth! This girl does not take for granted warmth---when you heat with wood for 10 years, and never could keep the house warm enough, you don't need to learn how to be thankful for a real, forced air heater! Thank you Lord! :)
I'll share one more short clip with you, and then the real ones are coming real soon(to my website)!
Thank you all for your time-I hope you will continue to come visit me! I still have to tell you about Bianca the rat, my children's "rescue" of the barn kitties, and more!
Wishing you all the very best in 2010!!!
Love,
Josanne

Can You Offer Comfort To A Soul In Need?

The series of photos I am sharing in the blog post have really touched my heart!

With the new year fast approaching(one more full day before 2010!), I just want to encourage everyone to open your hearts, and be willing to reach out to help someone!

There are times when we are all afraid, or feel lonely or alone, or just need someone to comfort us when we are hurting.

The poor little puppy is so afraid-you can see his tail completely tucked-and the cat is perfectly relaxed. This seems like it is possibly from a shelter. The cat makes moves a little closer to the pup, and it appears the pup moves closer to him/her. And when they meet, this poor little fellow hides his face, and the cat allows him to, and just stays there for him.

Lord, help us to be more compassionate this coming year, as we've all probably heard the saying, for each person is fighting a battle.

I've been completely touched by these photos, and I hope you are too. And let us be reminded that everyone can use a friend in 2010!
(Click on picture to get a larger image.)

Having Fun!

I promise you that my blog is not going to turn into a promotion for my website, although I may invite you all over to visit the website every now and then!

But this was too fun, and I wanted to share it with you all!

The below short video is a few bloopers from our first video that we will be uploading to my site in a week or so. We're going to be doing how-to videos for hairstyles, and also how-to videos for bouquets. Can't wait to add them!

But anyway! I hope you enjoy the video, my wheezing, Amber's blabbering at the end, and the interesting "motorized" noise that my NEW camera makes while filming! :(

Merry Christmas!!!

To my wonderful readers~ On behalf of my family, I would like to wish everyone a very, Merry Christmas, and a very blessed new year! I hope you enjoy this family slideshow I put together for my blog. :) Love, Josanne

This Is Too Cute!

Be sure to watch his expressions too-so cute!

O Holy Night

It's almost Christmas!

In step with one of my only yearly traditions, I have a song to share with you all....just in case you haven't heard it yet!

Get some tissue--this song is a real tear jerker! And be sure to listen to it to the very end.

And my disclaimer: I am a full time Christian, and I do believe God has a sense of humor. When Jesus walked on earth, there is a story in the Bible that tells of how He sat and ate dinner with the sinners, and those who were thought of as "low-life" folks. Althought the Lord is serious in most stories we read in the Bible, I personally don't believe that Jesus was completely serious when He was enjoying their company over a meal. People were drawn to Him--if He had acted high and pious, I don't believe the needy would have been drawn to Him. This story compares sinners to the sick who need a doctor, and God's word also states in Proverbs that laughter does good like a medicine. How fitting it would be for Jesus to provide moments of laughter, since He believes it is good. So! Here you have one of my favorite songs of all time:

Oh, Curses!

I enjoy a good story and love to laugh just as much as the next person. And I have come across a story or two that has made me laugh so hard that I've cried--such as "Toe" by Pat McManus.

Building my website has me searching across the world wide web looking for other great reads by authors that are hoping to get their work noticed, and I have found a few so far!

But nothing turns me away and disappoints me quite as fast as crude humor, and the topic at hand--cussing.

Since what I put on the web myself is meant to be family friendly, I do pass by articles that throw in the occasional swear word. I want to offer something that I would be comfortable with my own children seeing, along with other mothers and concerned adults across the world.

But this is not a sale ad!

No, not at all! I just got to thinking about it last night.....

Our world has tried to limit what young adults see and do with a minimum age limit on different things-rated R movies, or PG-13. Smokers have to show their ID until they are 27(the age minimum is 18, I think), and I think you have to be 21 to drink alcohol. These restrictions are meant to discourage the younger age group, even tho they show the smiling faces of a group full of young, smoking friends having a great time across the large billboards by the highways, or the football party with chips, pretzels and beer all over the coffee table, and guys and gals rooting for their favorite team.

But anyway, what if.....what if we tried to discourage cussing? Is it possible? Sure it is!

What if they took all of the cuss words, and made them at least 5 syllables long? My suggestions are:

Hooty-patooty

Hocker-doodle-maimy

Nose-pickin-cracker-cruncher-head

Sweatin-orangutan-face

Muffle-strigger-riggin

Uses for these words would be:

The car won't start AGAIN?? That thing is just a hooty-patooty piece of JUNK!

Who came up with THAT hocker-doodle-maimy idea, anyway?

The nose-pickin-cracker-cruncher-head washer overflowed this morning.

How DARE you call me names, you sweatin-orangutan-face PUNK!

I can't get the muffle-strigger-riggin door open-it's stuck!

Now, I think words like these would be great deterrents for two reasons:

1. These words would be much harder to say, so there would be fewer of them on the big screen, and also much harder to spell. Authors would not want to stop while feeling inspired, because they had to look up how to spell hocker-doodle-maimy.
2. The glamorous Hollywood star in all her painted perfection, and the big screen "hunk" in all of his masculinity would not say these words because it would make them sound very, very.......stupid. "I don't care if you pay me TWO million dollars for this movie-I'm not saying hooty-patooty!!!"

And the author of the romance novel would not write, "Beau Remington looked at Dynasty Dalton's velvety red dress, up-swept 'do, and dangling diamond earrings. He slipped her hand into his as he said, "You're looking muffle-strigger-riggin fine this evening, Dynasty." Kind of spoils the moment, don't you think? Good thing he didn't decide to use a different cuss word for that compliment, such as, "You're looking sweatin-orangutan-face fine this evening, Dynasty." THAT romance novel would stir some confusion for sure! Uh...was that a compliment, or is he trying to LOSE her because he's really in love with Chloe Wynchester? We'll never know.....unless there is a sequel. And then what if he uses the same line on Chloe Wynchester? Is he now trying to lose her because he realized what a good woman Dynasty Dalton is? We'll never know.....unless there is a series.....actually, with lines like that, we may never know.
So anyway! Stories are much better without all of the foul language that they throw in, and this fabulous idea I've come up with could change authors and writers all over the world! Of course, if they ever did implement my idea, all movies and books would probably be categorized as comedy. But I can't imagine the big screen actors and actresses plastered all over highway billboards with big smiles on their faces while saying "hocker-doodle-maimy". Everyone else seems to be smiling, why aren't they? And why are their cheeks all red?

It's Almost Here!!!

Am I talking about Christmas? Or 2010? Not really.....

I'm talking about my 40th birthday!!!

Have you already been there? Do you know how it feels to want to grab someone, anyone, by both arms and shout, "I'm turning 40!!! Aggghhhhh!!!!!"???

My birthday is February 3rd, so it's less than two months away. Which brings me to an announcement that I decided to make! I figured that I would share this with my blog readers, so that you all can hold me accountable! Make me feel like a heel if I don't follow thru!

So what is my great announcement, my declaration that is so important???

I am officially on a diet!!! (Excuse me while I wipe my tears and blow my nose.......boy, it seems that is becoming the norm in my blogging these days!)

No more chocolate, no more chocolate cake with chocolate icing, no more half gallons of ice cream, NO MORE!!! (Sniff!)

Let me give you a little hint---house fires cause you to get FAT!!! I've gained 15-20 pounds since our fire! UGH!!!

Anyway, a couple of the reasons I am on a diet:

1.) My poor, poor knees. They feel it, oh, do they feel it!!!

2.) My poor, poor clothes, THEY feel it, OH, DO THEY FEEL IT!!!!!!

Since I had to replace almost all of my dress clothes, you would think they would fit! Not so! They're screaming for mercy!

I love clothes shopping as much as the next woman, but there is a limit! I mean, how many new wardrobes do I actually want? Just one! Not 3 in separate sizes! I have winter jackets and sweaters and skirts that I want to wear! I also want to be able to BREATHE while wearing them!!!

3.) Among the other things that feel it are my wallet, my car, my furniture, and Dan's lap. :D

4.) I ain't no spring chicken no more, and the older I get, the harder it is to lose! I better do something now before I'm another few years older! And how I wish I would have listened to that wise, elderly lady who told me this truth, when I was about 19-back when I was thin!

And then there are two more reasons I will share with you!

1.) Family pictures are coming up!

And the BIGGIE!!! The biggie is......

I have to renew my driver's license in Feb, 2010!!!

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but if you've ever had an awful driver's license photo that you had to carry for 4 years, you would totally understand! Oh sure, you may drive the speed limit, so you aren't worried about it, but don't forget to figure in that you have to give the nice policeman your license when you are in a fender bender, even if you aren't the guilty party!

I know this first-hand! The time a truck came in my lane and hit me is the same time that I had my license picture taken during the time I was pregnant--I never stayed small when I was expecting, and I looked like someone had punched me right between the eyes! The nice policeman asked for my license, and my face just dropped. He asked if it was bad, meaning, is it expired or something? And I thought, Yeah, it's REALLY bad!!! I started rambling about how I was pregnant at the time, and he told me he thought all pregnant women were beautiful. That was BEFORE he looked at my picture! I'm sure I became the exception! And of all things, this HAD to happen in my small town, so that I would not be able to escape the embarrassment at a distance!

So there you have it! I won't bore you with all the details of my dieting, but might update you on the progress, since I've now admitted it to the world! Everyone except Dan---he's heard this one before, but this time I'm serious! :D

So feel free to send me your best and easiest low carb recipes and desserts! And think of me when you eat your desserts! :)

Things I Forgot About Kitties

Well, we've had our new babies for about a month, and there are many things that are coming back to my remembrance about kittens. So if you get a kitten or two, keep these things in mind:

1. Kittens like small round things, like hair bands(ponytail holders) and milk rings. Thus, you will find them laying all over the house, and it isn't because your kids were just being sloppy. (My baby Jazz liked to drop milk rings in our shoes. When she was a kitten, she would drop them in the shoe and swat at them. I would think she couldn't get the ring back out, so I would help her. She would then pick up the milk ring and drop it back in the shoe!)
2. Kitties like anything that dangles. Pullies for your ceiling fans(we hold our babies up in the kitchen and let them bat them around for a little bit), strings from your ironing board cover, fringe from your scarves, hair when you bend down, and snowflakes you hang on your banister for your Christmas and winter decor. Take a tip from me--forget the snowflakes on the banister! I had 8-10 or so hanging on mine, looking so pretty. There are none left on the banister--the kitties re-decorated for me, leaving flakes, glitter, and the little metal wires you use to hang them, all over the house, and on two seperate levels of the house.
3. Kitties have sharp claws that snag furniture and sheers. (Okay, I'm crying now!) When you have more than one kitty, the game of "chase" is a favorite across the backs of your couches. When you have tall dining room chairs, small kittens can't always aim perfectly for jumping up on them, thus allowing you to hear their sharp little kitty claws digging in while they get a grip.

A couple tips from me:

• You can buy cardboard scratch posts for your babies-this gives them the pleasure of scratching like they desire(our kitties don't scratch the furniture on purpose, thankfully, but they obviously don't realize what running across the back of the couch does to it, and me(SSSNNNnnnniiifffffff!!!!---excuse me while I wipe my eyes and blow my nose....).
• Instead of declawing your wonderful felines, there is a wonderful product on the market that I discovered, and they definately help! With kittens, they can be a little work, but it definately will ease your nerves when they jump on the furniture. The product is called Soft Claws. They come in different sizes and colors! They are little rubber caps that you glue to your kitten's claws. They do not hurt the kitten, and they turn their sharp little nails into soft, rubber ones. Sometimes kittens will try to get them off, until they get used to them. They should stay on for 8 weeks or so. We team up when we put them on our kitties--one holds the kitten and feeds her treats, while the other extends her claw and puts the cap on. You can find them on ebay, and I'm sure other places on the web. I'll put them in my sidebar on this page for now...you can also trim their nails, but be ever so careful not to trim them too short! Check on the web how to do it!

So there you have it! A few things to remember when getting a kitty. You will also need to have many, many treats on hand, lots of toys, and you will need to remember how to talk baby talk, and call yourself Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, Grandma or Grandpa. :)